So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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