TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
