So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
