Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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