This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
