you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize