Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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