i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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