My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
