how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
