You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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