dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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