i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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