My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
