i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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