Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
