i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
