He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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