Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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