you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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