I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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