Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
