Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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