and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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