he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
