I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
