O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
