Your dad touched me again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
