At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
