With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
