dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
