My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
