Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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