So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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