i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
