the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
