A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
