just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dicks are not precious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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