im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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