I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
