was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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