Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
