My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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