i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
