he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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