boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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