You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
