I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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