i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
