Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
handjob tips. give me some.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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