my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
