You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
