Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
