u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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