operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
