take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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