dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
