I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
