New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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