who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
