I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
