He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
