His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
