I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
