You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
