He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
