Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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