Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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