Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
