Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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