You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
