I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
