Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
