Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
