is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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