Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
