Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
